Making Grandpa

1
‘Hey dad, tell me that story again about grandpa, you know, about how he was sitting out on the porch in the dark & how you didn’t notice him gone until the morning, his stiff blue tongue sticking out from his frizzled face. Tell me dad how you were drunk but set off anyways with grandpa towards the city. How you sometimes had to stop the car & vomit you were so scared.

 2
Exhume the corpse.
Ensure all legal & financial documentation is in place.
Extract the required DNA cells, obtain donor eggs & with syringe- draw the nucleus from each. Place next to the deceased’s material & zap with a 240 current.

3
‘I remember sitting & sleeping beside your grandpa for three days and nights. We lit candles and played his Johnny Cash & Johnny Horton records over & over again. His open casket was on the floor in the lounge room. Christ, after six years a vegetable in the nursing home everyone was relieved.’

4
If the cells don’t fuse- increase the voltage;
of the 50 or so resulting embryos- 9 or 10 should survive.
Of these, expect most to die through miscarriages
or abortions caused by severe abnormalities.

5
‘Dad tell me- is it true you were there at his rebirth?
Grandpa squirming out like a hot red fish
into the bath   his bellybutton clamped by a yellow peg�
his cries raw & as genuine as those photos in our family album.’  

6
After confirmation of your electronic payment we will certify by email
that the dozen or so surviving embryos are genetically those of your loved one –
& if you wish to duplicate him/her further do not hesitate to contact our friendly human resources retrieval team at grandpa.com.au

 George Anderson

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